The words we tell ourselves can be the words that we heard at a very young age - usually from someone important to us. The message behind those words can burn into our soul, suffusing us with pain, fears and false guilt, or with confidence, peace and joy.
Words can echo in our hearts and minds years after they were spoken - lifting us up, or bringing us down. Even long after that person has been gone from our lives, their words can ring in our ears.
I love to write but, as I begin, my heavy heart races, and my hands grow cold. I take a minute to yield to the panic, take some deep breaths, and tell myself to just start, and work for 5 minutes. Then the urge to convey what's on my mind takes over, and I can continue.
photo by Budgeron Bach
What was the origin of this phobia? As a small child, my mother was my teacher at school. From time to time, she would humiliate me in front of the class, attributing to me the mistakes of others, so that she could criticize without alienating their parents. This was so many years ago, and she has been gone for over 20 years, yet I still sometimes struggle whenever I face a new writing opportunity.
Words have power.
In my early life, there were people who praised me, who loved me, who were excited by my accomplishments and let me know it. My father, my grandmother, my music teacher, and my local minister all let me know that I was special, and that what I had to offer was special.
Words had power here too.