The other day, I was writing in a lounge area of a supermarket, and fell into conversation with a young man. He mentioned that he was waiting for his girlfriend, with whom he had been having a fight.
photo by Vitaly Gariev
He asked me for some advice about how to deal with her. He said that sometimes she accuses him of saying something that he didn't intend to say at all.
I mentioned that maybe what he said reminded her of a previous unpleasant experience, and she associated the two.
I could have asked him: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be close?"
I could have said that a great gift we can give someone, is to be willing to be wrong, at least until the other person is fully heard.
The young man, instead of arguing, could have just listened, and been supportive of her feelings - how that must have been hurtful or frustrating, etc.
While she might be wrongly accusing him, he could still apologize for whatever part he played in generating this painful situation, and bring up his intention only when she feels validated and comforted.