The Promise of Neuroplasticity

photo by Matheus Bertelli

Who says we can't teach an old dog new tricks?

I have been listening to some Ted Talks on the incredible potential for our brains to grow and change.

One scientist tells us about the newly discovered "baby neurons" that grow in our brains all the time. Significantly, they don’t have all the connections to our old hurts and grudges. We can introduce them to positive loving thoughts and memories, and they will form a network of connections with like-minded neurons!

This activity will weave a new group of interrelated connections, and generate exciting new energy and focus for us. The old sad, mad parts embedded in our brains can atrophy from lack of attention. This is a tremendous healing power of neuroplasticity.

How great is that?

A Good Time To Start A New Custom

We all know how lovely it feels to be thanked for something we said or did. Even better to have our efforts recognized in front of others. What if this delightful experience was built-in to our daily lives?

photo by Andrea Piacquadio

During this time of relative isolation, what if we turned off the TV, and took a few minutes to tell those around us, or those we may not live with but care about, just how much we appreciate them? What if we did this not only today, but every day?

Here’s what I think might happen:

- Each person (the recipient and the speaker) would be fed by this act.

- We might get more creative with our thanks, exploring more and more reasons we take delight in another person. At the very least, so we are not saying the same thing every time!

- We will be more tuned in to the contributions that others are making for our connections. Our hearts will be more open to all the gifts we receive from others who live with us, in our lives.

- As this custom takes hold, we will become more aware of doing and saying positive things throughout each day, so that not only we are fed, but others can receive the satisfaction that comes from thanking us too.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

When Someone Irritates Us

As we know, this is going to happen - again. Before the next time, we can consider what sort of response we might have. Then, in the moment, we can draw on our chosen actions instead of reacting in the heat of the moment.

It has been said that children react, and adults act. How can we act in a productive way that will bring about the results that we want?

photo by Ketut Subiyanto

ACT:

Acknowledge how the situation makes us feel. Others can't argue with our experience. Say "I", instead of "you". By owning our discomfort, and making our feelings the focus of the discussion, we signal that we want to be part of the solution. After stating what's bothering us and how it's affecting us, we can make a request for the change that we need to see, to feel better.

Combine efforts - we can let the other person know that we are approaching the issue as a team. (What can we both do so that this doesn't happen again?)

Trust that we will be heard, and act accordingly. That is, after accepting a resolution, and maybe an apology, we can forgive and let it go. Carrying a grudge serves no useful purpose. Assuming the best in others can lift them up and smooth over any residual tension.

As we are working things out, we need to watch our language. Keep inflammatory statements out of the argument. Avoid judging words. Describe the words or actions that bother us, without labelling the other person.

Sometimes, the best plan is to have a time-out, and come back to the issue when we feel calmer. The common goal is that all parties feel closer to one another. Keeping this goal in the forefront will lead to better success.

Words Can Create Defining Moments

The words we tell ourselves can be the words that we heard at a very young age - usually from someone important to us. The message behind those words can burn into our soul, suffusing us with pain, fears and false guilt, or with confidence, peace and joy.

Words can echo in our hearts and minds years after they were spoken - lifting us up, or bringing us down. Even long after that person has been gone from our lives, their words can ring in our ears.

I love to write but, as I begin, my heavy heart races, and my hands grow cold. I take a minute to yield to the panic, take some deep breaths, and tell myself to just start, and work for 5 minutes. Then the urge to convey what's on my mind takes over, and I can continue.

photo by Budgeron Bach

What was the origin of this phobia? As a small child, my mother was my teacher at school. From time to time, she would humiliate me in front of the class, attributing to me the mistakes of others, so that she could criticize without alienating their parents. This was so many years ago, and she has been gone for over 20 years, yet I still sometimes struggle whenever I face a new writing opportunity.

Words have power.

In my early life, there were people who praised me, who loved me, who were excited by my accomplishments and let me know it. My father, my grandmother, my music teacher, and my local minister all let me know that I was special, and that what I had to offer was special.

Words had power here too.

Lifting Our Moods

photo by Humphrey

Of course we need lots of distancing and mask-wearing, and we know that the biggest deterrent for COVID-19 is simply to stay home if we can. No unnecessary trips outside, but being inside can create a pressure-cooker for our relationships; resentments can build.

Fresh air can be an asset!

“If you are in a bad mood go for a walk. If you are still in a bad mood go for another walk.” ― Hippocrates

Some of us may be lucky enough to live near fields or forests, mountains, oceans or lakes, but most of us live in cities. Fortunately, many of us have a park nearby. We can go there, or at least find a wider, quieter street if possible.

Think Vitamin D and negative ions, which lift our moods, clear our minds, and help us maintain a positive outlook.

Activity shakes loose our pent-up feelings, so that we can release them and be able to see our relationships in a warmer light.

Compassion

I was woken up around 5:30 in the morning recently. A clearly distraught woman was persistently, angrily, and hoarsely raising her voice outside.

I bolted alert to see if I could tell if she was in trouble, or danger. It didn't seem so. I tried to get back to sleep.

Silence for a bit, followed by another loud interruption. Her tone was one of fear, anger, rebuke, agitation - defiance mixed with powerlessness, and she had a lot to say.

I got up and looked out a window to see what was happening.

By the street was a woman sitting on the sidewalk, insistently crying at a group of four emergency response workers in full PPE, who were standing over her as she ranted.

Ours is a short, quiet residential street. I recognize all my neighbours, but I didn't recognize her. She clearly needed help, as the morning was chilly, and she was clearly troubled.

Then I saw a lovely thing.

One of the EMTs sat right down on the sidewalk beside her, and waved his partners away. He listened to her carefully and unhurriedly as she explained her troubles. Her tone became quieter, and they shared a gentle discussion, presumably about the next best steps for her.

After a few minutes, the caring fellow helped her up, into the back of their vehicle, and they drove off. I was reminded of how important training in de-escalation is for all of our first responders, and how valuable they are to us.

I said a prayer asking that all the other caregivers she met that day would treat her with the same dignity, patience, and compassion.

The Healing Power Of Tapping

The months are grinding on. Our lives continue to be interrupted and sidelined. Somehow, we must carry on and cope.

photo by Samantha Klose

I have been benefiting greatly from the work of Nick and Jessica Ortner, leaders in the field of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Tapping. This practise is deceptively-simple to do, and truly transformative.

I am currently working through the tapping sessions offered in Nick's book: "The Tapping Solution for Manifesting Your Greatest Self."

I am humbly aware that we are forever a work in progress. I find myself tapping on a regular basis, as there seems to be so much unresolved history and so many layers of feelings that I need to clear away. Tapping does that!

What We Can Do

People around the world now face an uncertain future - unprecedented struggles and in far too many cases, tragedy and loss. We share a deep sense of helplessness as we are isolated from one another.

photo by Ekaterina Bolovtsova

What can we do? All that we can.

The media is flooded with heart-warming stories of people rising above and beyond for others during these terrible days. It helps to focus on these stories, and to be open to any ways that we also can contribute.

Wherever possible - in letters, emails, phone calls, etc. - we can do our best to replace fears, anger, and grief with words and actions rooted in love.

We can listen. We can care.

We can shore up our inner resources. We can take more time for quiet reflection and take stock of our path. We can express our creativity in some new ways. We can determine to live in a state of gratitude for what we do have. We can decide to let go of old resentments, or fears that no longer serve us. As we fill our souls with more warmth, we can be more ready to be there for others as they need us.

Maybe we will be brought down by illness, or called upon to grieve, or to sit with others as they are frightened and grieving.

Together we struggle to find meaning in these tragedies, and that is what we can offer - to be there, whether in person, in spirit, or in prayer.

It is at these times that our deepest values emerge.

The Magical Camera Cap

photo by Tobit Nazar Nieto Hernandez

We all have stories to tell.

What happens to us matters.

We want to share our experiences and have them validated.

We want to have our accomplishments and our imaginings seen and appreciated.

What do children so often say? “Look at me! Look at me!”

How satisfying to feel heard, seen, known, and appreciated. These experiences foster our trust that others are interested, and care.

How great it could be to have our thoughts elevated to a Big Screen, for all to enjoy. Gnarly's Journey fulfills this wish. The characters take turns entertaining their group with creations from their imaginations.

“When storytellers put on this Camera Cap, and tell a tale, their story plays out, scene by scene, on our magical imagining screen." - Bubby

The Wishing-Well Well

In my book, Gnarly's Journey, I thought of a number of different customs enjoyed by the elves and their friends. They established routines and traditions to help them deal with challenges, celebrate each other, and bolster the closeness of their community.

One of these customs is the Wishing-Well ceremony, in the Wishing-Well room. The room is there for whenever a member of the group feels the need to work something out. It could be a problem, or maybe an idea, or an aspiration.

photo by cottonbro

The ceremony is a group effort - to create an atmosphere where they all help each other, to identify and solve their issues, then continue their discussion until they can wish each other well.

This custom highlights the difference between our world and that of the elves. For most of us, throwing coins in a fountain, and making a wish, is a solitary passive activity. The person tossing the coin is not encouraged to change or to take any further action. In the Wishing-Well room, the characters practise solving their problems.

I heard a child psychologist on Oprah say that children feel more free to chat about difficult topics when they are engaged in an activity at the same time. He suggested colouring.